maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
