I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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