i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dignity is for republicans.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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