I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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