I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
