No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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