Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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