I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
