Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize