chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
