I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
