Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize