Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
honey bunches of taint.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I still have a little drunk in my system
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
