I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
