I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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