You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
