I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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