dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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