Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
