I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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