I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
