don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize