My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
