More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Alive.
So much puke
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
