i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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