Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
