Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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