Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
