Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
