Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
