So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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