he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ttyl tear gas
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My vagina is officially offended.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
