I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
