So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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