maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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