Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
