I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
