Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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