sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Houston, we have a squirter
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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