Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That accounts for only three of the penises
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
