god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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