i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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