We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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