Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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