no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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