I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize