I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
