I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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