I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
