Whod you bang
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
two words...techno handjob
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
