I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
