Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize