but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
