If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
