i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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