bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
