dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
