i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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