erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
