You're my little dorito
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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