Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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