Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
