Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
