I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Terrible idea I love it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
