If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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