When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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