I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
