One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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