He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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