You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
